15w3d

Well, it's been an amazing and scary ride up to this point.  I went to the doctor today and was lucky enough to have my sister-in-law in tow.  This is how the appointment went:

• I lost weight...I had gained 4 pounds total this pregnancy and 3 of those last week.  Turns out now I'm only up 1 pound for the entire pregnancy.  Not really sure if that's good or bad but they didn't seem too concerned.
• They called me back with my levels and said heparin levels were good and they would check platelets next time and do the AFP test...not so much to test for Down's Syndrome but that it would be a good indicator of any placental problems as well. 
• My first/second trimester test for Down Syndrome and Trisomy came back good...she said the baby basically had a 1 in 10,000 chance to have those..kinda put me at ease but not really.
• We saw the baby!!  Drum roll please....IT's a BOY!!  We are just ecstatic!  I never really thought we would have a boy for some reason..not really sure why but just didn't, but I'm glad my instinct was right! She  looked and said..yup...there's no denying that one..it's definitely confirmed a boy.  Then she did all the measurements that took quite a while.  I didn't know that they even have to measure the length between joints in the middle of their fingers.  So much was measured.  All measurements looked great and she said the baby looked to be right on schedule.  All other things say the baby should be around 2 and a half ounces but my baby is 4 ounces.lol  We saw him wiggle around and not cooperate with the technician to take hand measurements.  All we said to ourselves of course was...That's a Maddox.lol Sounded just like Ms. Preacher. 
• Then the doctor came in and talked about how things were.  I was worried because the sonographer asked if I had had a cerclage!! What?? can't she tell that kind of thing?  Did I look like I needed one?  So the doctor confirmed that my cervix was nice and closed and long and nothing about the baby or me looked worrisome.  So I was soo relieved at that point.  And here's my confession:  In that moment that the sonographer asked me that question...I freaked out.  I started what I consider doubting God.  I thought God, I told you I could deal with whatever you chose to give me but I don't think I can do it again....you have to make this okay.  Now I'm scared that in my moment of weakness that I questioned God.  I know my God is understanding but I feel like I shouldn't have questioned and been compromising in that moment.  I found out that there's that vulnerability to me and I had no idea I was that damaged or to that point.  Hard  to explain really.
• That's about all the exciting news!  I left my cd at home so I didn't get to store any photos.