I am sooo excited to announce that we are pregnant!!! Of course, I haven't connected this to my other blog yet to let anyone know. I wanted a blog that could focus on our new miracle and leave the other blog's focus on my girls and life till this point. I am so excited for what God has in store for us. We took a test March 20, 2011. This was my father-in-law's (Larry's) birthday. So, of course, we took another test later in the day and surpirsingly it was darker than the first morning's one. We stuck in a plastic ziploc and into a birthday card from Ava, Mackenzie, and Miracle #3. Not sure if any of that was in good taste but we did it anyway. I have to be honest...I was hoping everyone that I told was more excited than they were. But you could see that they were almost all pretty timid...not sure whether or not to get excited or what. It was definitely a subdued reaction comparing the first pregnancy and this one. You can't blame anyone though..they want to protect their feelings too. Why get attached so quickly if I'm sucky at staying pregnant. Daniel was sooo excited but scared at the same time. We even had a small argument over nothing because he's so tense. He needed to express these feelings but they were coming out as rage. Of course, he's scared that something might happen and all of that but also is worried about things like, what's the best blood thinner for me to be on. He's so sweet about everything and I had to tell him that regardless of what happens we are to love this baby just the same as if nothing has ever happened, even more reason to pour on the love. This is not the time to be unattached. I told him that I really needed him to be excited and love on this baby like he did the girls...as hard as it may be.
I'm in the middle of trying to organize the Baby Lost Mother's Day in May. It will (God willing) be May 1st. Right now I'm looking for people/businesses that are willing to make a donation. If they can make a donation, Susan (Chaplain) will be able to make it tax deductible through University. Praying heavily that this will happen. Susan is really excited for it too and I know that it's a day that needs to be recognized for mother's who have lost...even if they've gone on to have other children. This day will recognize their lost babies and the fact that they are still mother's to their children whether spiritual or earthly.
Back onto Baby Maddox, I'm concerned about not knowing my due date. Ironically, I know it's somewhere between November 28th and December 5th. I know this because my LMP was Feb. 20 but I didn't ovulate until 22 days in. This makes it either 3 weeks 2days or 4weeks 2 days...no idea. Maybe I'll find out tomorrow. I did temperature charting so that's how I know when ovulation happened. I have an appointment tomorrow so I will go in and see what they say. They are doing the urine test/levels work up/possible scan/genetic counseling. The nurse (Kim) said that she wasn't sure if Larson would do a scan or not pending how early I am but that she may want to just try. I'm sure they won't be able to see anything yet...but my main concern is if placenta is forming yet and if so...does it have a clot associated with it. I was told to start taking heparing shots as soon as I got a positive on a test. Well, I read that placenta won't form until 4 weeks. If I'm 3 weeks then that's great! If I'm 4 already...not so good. I asked the nurse to call in heparin since I already have Lovenox on file but she said to wait until my appointment which is tomorrow to see what Larson says. Really nervous. I don't want to have hateful feeling towards this nurse if it turns out that I'm already forming placenta.
Anyway, here's to my new baby:
Dear Baby Maddox,
Did you know that you have two big sisters in heaven? They would have loved everything about you I'm sure. I've planned you for such a long time and thought of you often. Did you know that everything about you is planned? I love the idea that everything about you was planned. I planned this pregnancy and I planned the steps it would take to create you and sustain you. I planned everything and so did the doctors. But most importantly, God planned everything about you. From the number of hairs on your head to how old you will ever be. God took pride in planning you and so do I. Daddy and I love you with all of our hearts and can't wait to welcome you into our home. Right now you've taken up refuge in my tummy and I couldn't be happier. I will do my best to give you everything you need while you are in there and everything you need when you arrive. Please don't come too soon...stay in there until it's time to stop baking. I desperately want to bring you home from the hospital. I'm so happy that God saw fit to give you to us. He has entrusted your life in our hands. We have already prayed that you be given unto him fully. We have asked for His will upon your life no matter how long or what course that may be. You are mine and daddy's but foremost you are His. I can't wait to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you in my tummy. I love you and daddy loves you and your Heavenly Father loves you.
Love Always,
Mommy and Daddy
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